Artist : NEWMAN, RANDY
Album : Harps And Angels

I'd like to say a few words
In defense of our country
Whose people aren't bad
Nor are they mean
Now the leaders we have
While they're the worst that we've had
Are hardly the worst
This poor world has seen

Take the Caesars for example
Within the first few of them
They were sleeping with their sister,
Stashing little boys in swimming pools
And burning down the city
And one of 'em, one of 'em
Appointed his own horse to be Consul of the Empire
That's like vice president or something
Wait a minute, that's not a very good example is it?
But wait, here's one,
The Spanish Inquisition
It put people in a terrible position
I don't even like to think about it
Well sometimes I like to think about it

Just a few words in defense of our country
Whose time at the top
Could be coming to an end
We don't want your love
And respect at this point is pretty much out of the question
But times like these
We sure could use a friend

Hitler
Stalin
Men who need no introduction
King Leopold of Belgium, that's right
Everyone thinks he's so great
Well he owned The Congo and he tore it up too
He took the diamonds
He took the silver
He took the gold
You know what he left them with?
Malaria
A President once said,
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself"
Now, we're supposed to be afraid
It's patriotic in fact and color-coded
And what are we supposed to be afraid of?
Why of being afraid
That's what terror means, doesn't it?
That's what it used to mean

You know it kind of pisses me off
That this Supreme Court is going to outlive me
A couple of young Italian fellas and a brother on the Court now, too
But I defy you, anywhere in the world,
To find me two Italians as tightassed as the two Italians we got
And as for the brother, well
Pluto's not a planet anymore either

The end of an Empire is messy at best
And this Empire is ending
Like all the rest
Like the Spanish Armada adrift on the sea
We're adrift in the land of the brave and the home of the free

Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye

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Artist : NEWMAN, RANDY
Album : Harps And Angels

Like us all you want the very best of life
A car, a house, a neighborhood that's nice
With flowers and trees and lots of little kids around
Where public schools aren't breeding grounds for vice

You say you're working harder than you ever have
You say you got two jobs and so's your wife
Living in the richest country in the world
Wouldn't you think you'd have a better life

If you lived in Norway
You'd be fine right now
Get sick there
You make the doctor wait
If you lived in Belgium
You could mediate
[Flemish/French debate]
Hey knock it off!
And the French fries are great
Hey!

Jesus Christ it stinks here high and low
The rich are getting richer
I should know
While we're going up
You're going down
And no one gives a shit but Jackson Browne
Jackson Browne
Jackson
Jackson

There's a famous saying someone famous said
As General Motors goes so go we all
Johnny Cougar's singing it's their country now
He'll be singing for Toyota by the fall

[Patriots:]
That's not true
John's a patriot
He's not like you
He's a...

Jesus Christ it stinks here low and high
Some get rich
And others just get by
Bono's off in Africa - he's never around
The country turns it's lonely eyes to who?
Jackson Browne
Jackson Browne
Jackson Browne

A piece of the pie
That's all we're asking for
A piece of the pie

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Artist : NEWMAN, RANDY
Album : Harps And Angels

Satisfaction guaranteed
Getting everything you need?
Hand delivered, quite discreet
'Cause you're on Easy Street

Any place you want to go
We'll call ahead and let them know
Get you in through the backdoor
But you get a front row seat
'Cause you're on Easy Street

All your old friends
I know you love 'em so
Gonna break your heart
But you're gonna have to let them go
Your friends up here must be the elite
You'll like everyone you meet

On Easy Street
Life is sweet
Accommodations can't be beat
On Easy Street

Easy Street
Here's your seat
Watch the world roll by at your feet
Don't look down
That's it

Doesn't matter if you act a little strange
Do your worst
Don't ever change
'Cause no matter what you do
You think anyone up here is ever going to say no to you?
Nah

That's it Miss B
Yes

Now you don't know how you got here
And how the whole world knows your name
Forget about it
Relax enjoy yourself
Everywhere you go they're glad you came

Baby you're on Easy Street
Life is sweet
Let them worship at your feet
On Easy Street

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Artist : NEWMAN, RANDY
Album : Harps And Angels

Kids today got problems
Like their parents never had
Neighborhoods are dangerous
The public schools are bad
At home there are distractions so irresistible
The hours fly by
No work gets done

Some Jewish kids still trying
Some white kids trying too
But millions of real American kids don't have a clue
Right here on the lot
We got the answer
A product guaranteed to satisfy

Korean parents for sale
You say you're not all that you want to be
You say you got a bad environment
Your work at school's not going well

Korean parents for sale
You say you need a little discipline
Someone to whip you into shape
They'll be strict but they'll be fair

Look at the numbers
That's all I ask
Who's at the head of every class?
You really think they're smarter than you are
They just work their asses off
Their parents make the do it

[Saleslady:]
Oh, learn to play the violin
Oh, to turn your homework in right on time

What a load off your back that will be
No tears
No regret
Never forget who sent Fido to the farm

The greatest generation
Your parents aren't the greatest generation
So sick of hearing about the greatest generation
That generation could be you
So let's see what you can do
Korean parents and you

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Artist : NEWMAN, RANDY
Album : Harps And Angels

She's only a girl
And her voice is peculiar
And her eyes are strange
She's prone to be willful
You try to cheer her up some
But she's impervious to change

She's dresses in black all of the time
Wears an orthopedic shoe
It's some sort of uglification thing she's into

She's a hundred and ten
Maybe five foot five
She don't eat meat
But she'll eat you alive
She's only a girl
But she's big time

She's only a girl
And I'll tell you about her
At least all that I know
She's from South Carolina
And she came out here
A few years ago

She waits on tables
Works in a bank
Volunteers at the zoo
She sure ain't lazy
But she's very young
That's why I called you

Now that you've seen her, what do you think?
Uh-huh
Yeah
Etc...

Love is blind
And deaf as well
But I love this girl
Can't you tell?
She's only a girl
And she loves me

Why would someone
Beautiful as she
Love someone old like me
Maybe it's the money
Jeez, I never thought of that

God damn it

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Artist : NEWMAN, RANDY
Album : Harps And Angels

I love women
Have all my life
I love my dear mother
And I love my wife - God bless her
I even love my teenage daughter
There's no accounting for it
Apparently I don't care how I'm treated
My love is unconditional or something

I've been hurt a time or two
I ain't gonna lie
I have my doubts sometimes
About the ethics of the so called fairer sex
Fair about what?
But I find time goes by
And one forgives as one forgets
And one does forget

God bless the potholes
Down on memory lane
God bless the potholes
Down on memory lane
Everything that happens to me now
Is consigned to oblivion by my brain

I remember my father
My brother of course
I remember my mother
I spoke of her earlier and I remember that
I remember the smell of cut grass
And going off to play ball in the morning
Funny story about that

Now I used to pitch
I could get the ball over the plate
But anyway, this one time
I must of thrown a football around or something the day before
I walked about fourteen kids in a row
Cried
Walked off the mound
Handed the ball to the third baseman
And just left the field

Anyway, many years later
I brought the woman who was to become my second wife-God bless her
To meet my father for the first time
They exchanged pleasantries
I left the room for a moment
It was the first time he had met her you understand
When I came back
He was telling her the story
Right off the bat
About how I had walked fourteen kids
Cried and left the mound
Next time he met her he told her the same Goddamn story!

God bless the potholes
Down on memory lane
God bless the potholes
Down on memory lane
I hope some real big ones open up
And take some of the memories that do remain

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Artist : NEWMAN, RANDY
Album : Harps And Angels

Something in your eyes
Makes me want to lose myself
Makes me want to lose myself
In your arms

There's something in your voice
Makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts
The rest of my life

If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how low I've felt for so long
If you knew how I wanted someone
To come along
And change my life the way you've done

Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

A window breaks
Down a long dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see
Through the dark there's a light

If you knew how much this moment
Means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
If you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought I'd love anyone so much

Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back
Where I come from
Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Randy Newman

I like your mother
I like your brother
I like you
And you like me too
We'll get a preacher
I'll buy a ring
We'll hire a band
With an accordion
A violin
And a tenor who can sing

You and me you and me, baby
You and me you and me you and me, baby
You and me you and me you and me, baby
You and me you and me you and me, baby

We'll have a kid
Or maybe we'll rent one
He's got to be straight
We don't want a bent one
He'll drink his baby brew
From a big brass cup
Someday he may be president
If things loosen up

You and me you and me, baby
You and me you and me you and me, baby
You and me you and me you and me, baby
You and me you and me you and me, baby

I'll take the train into the city ev'ry mornin'
You may be plain - I think you're pretty in the mornin'
And some nights we'll go out dancin'
If I am not too tired
Some nights we'll sit romancin'
Watching the Late Show by the fire

When our kids are grown
With kids of their own
They'll send us away
To a little home in Florida
We'll play checkers all day
Until we pass away

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Randy Newman

Sit by my window and watch the rain
I hear it beating on my windowpane
Well, it makes me so sad
Be no one ever hurt this bad

My baby left me and now I'm alone
Wait for a letter and I sit by the phone
Oh, the troubles I've had
Bet no one ever hurt this bad

Since you went away
I can't face the day
And night brings nothin' but pain
Thought I could go on
I see that I was wrong
Baby, please come home - I just can't stand to be alone

Somebody somewhere here my plea
And send my baby back to me
It'd make me so glad
'Cause no one ever hurt this bad

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Randy Newman

The milk truck hauls the sun up
And the paper hits the door
The subway shakes my floor
And I think about you
Time to face the dawning gray
Of another lonely day
Baby, it's so hard
Living without you

It's so hard
Baby, it's so hard
Baby, it's so hard
Living without you

Ev'ryone's got something
And they're out tryin' to get some more
They got something to get up for
Well, I ain't about to
Nothing's gonna happen
Nothing's gonna change
Baby, it's so hard
Living without you

It's so hard
Baby, it's so hard
Baby, it's so hard
Living without you

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Randy Newman

Home again and the streets are not much cleaner
And the quaint old south side scenery
Is quaint no more
Just older than before
Go up the stairs and down the hallway
To my daddy's door

Your son is home, Dad, and he's found a girl
And she's the greatest girl in all the world
I think you'll like her, Dad, I hope you do
But if you don't that's alright, too
What's new? Do you still work at the drugstore?
Is that true? Still polishing the same floor?
I missed my good, old Dad
My but I'm glad to see you

Come and see us, Poppa, when you can
There'll always be a place for my old man
Just drop by when it's convenient to
Be sure and call before you do
So long Dad
I Think It's Going To Rain Today
Broken windows and empty hallways
A pale dead moon in the sky streaked with gray
Human kindness is overflowing
And I think it's going to rain today

Scarecrows dressed in the latest styles
With frozen smiles to chase love away
Human kindness is overflowing
And I think it's going to rain today

Lonely, lonely
Tin can at my feet
Think I'll kick it down the street
That's the way to treat a friend

Bright before me the signs implore me
Help the needy and show them the way
Human kindness is overflowing
And I think it's going to rain today

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Randy Newman

If the Big Boy comes tomorrow
There'll be no more teardrops
There'll be no more sorrow
If the Big Boy comes tomorrow
Will He take you with Him?

Have you been good?
Have you been bad?
If you haven't lived the way you should
You'll wish you had

When the Big Boy brings his fiery furnace
Will He like what he sees
Or will He strike the fire and burn us?
Oh, He's so great
And He's so straight
And you know He's watching

Have you been good?
Have you been bad?
If you haven't lived the way you should
You'll wish you had

Come on, Big Boy
Come and save us
Come and look at what we've done
With what you gave us
Now I've heard it said
That our Big Boy's dead
But I think He's hiding
I think He's hiding
I think He's hiding

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Randy Newman

Seven ships without a sail
Seven cats without a tail
Boy, it's weird here
On this spooky old pier tonight
But I'm not frightened 'cause I know what it is
Ev'rything is just the same as it was
I'm in trouble because of Linda
She hurt me so badly
She said she'd be here
On our special pier
I love her

Linda, the carousel's playing
But that merry-go-round
Is bringing me down
'Cause I remember what it meant to you

Linda, Linda
I love you

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Randy Newman

Laughing Boy keep movin'
Keep movin', Keep movin'
Laughing Boy keep movin'
Keep movin', Keep movin'

Find a clown and grind him down
He may just be laughing at you
An unprincipled and uncommitted
Clown can hardly be permitted to
Sit around and laugh at what
The decent people try to do

Laughing Boy keep movin'
Keep movin', Keep movin'
Laughing Boy keep movin'
Keep movin', Keep movin'

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Randy Newman

Cold gray buildings where a hill should be
Steel and concrete closin' in on me
City faces haunt the places
I used to roam
Cowboy, cowboy - can't run, can't hide
Too late to fight now - too tired to try

Wind that once blew free
Now scatters dust to the sky
Cowboy, cowboy - can't run, can't hide
Too late to fight now - too tired to try

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Randy Newman

"Since you're the delegate from Kansas
Will you kindly take the floor
And tell us what Kansas is thinking
And what is Kansas for?"

"Well Kansas is for the farmer
We stand behind the little man
And we need a firehouse in Topeka
So help us if you can"

"I see the gentleman from Utah
Our friendly Beehive State
How can we help you, Utah?
How can we make you great?"

"Well, we got to irrigate our deserts
We've got to get some things to grow
And we got to tell this country about Utah
'Cause nobody seems to know"

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Randy Newman

Broken windows and empty hallways
A pale dead moon in the sky streaked with gray
Human kindness is overflowing
And I think it's going to rain today

Scarecrows dressed in the latest styles
With frozen smiles to chase love away
Human kindness is overflowing
And I think it's going to rain today

Lonely, lonely
Tin can at my feet
Think I'll kick it down the street
That's the way to treat a friend

Bright before me the signs implore me
To help the needy and show them the way
Human kindness is overflowing
And I think it's going to rain today

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Randy Newman

I've been his friend since we were little babies
I was a comfort to his mother and a pal to his dad
Before they passed away they said,
"Please take care of our Davy
You may be the only friend he ever will have"

Davy the fat boy, Davy the fat boy
Isn't he round? Isn't he round?
What do he weigh, folks?
Can you guess what he weighs?
It's only a quarter
Win a teddy bear for the girlfriend
Or something for the wife
You got to let this fat boy in your life

I think we can persuade him to do
The famous fat boy dance for you
Give me half a chance
I just know you'll like my fat boy's dance

Davy the fat boy, Davy the fat boy
Isn't he
Isn't he round?

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : 12 Songs

Have you seen my baby
On the avenue?
You know she's driving me crazy
With the funny things she do
I seen her with the milkman
Ridin' down the street
When you're through with my baby, milkman
Send her home to me

Hold on, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on
You know it's been so long
Since she have been gone
Hold on, hold on, hold on

I seen her with the gypsies
Dancin' in the wood
She's always been unfaithful to me
She ain't never been no good
I say, "Please don't talk to strangers, baby"
But she always do
She say, "I'll talk to strangers if I want to
'Cause I'm a stranger, too"

Hold on, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on
You know it's been so long
Since she have been gone
Hold on, hold on, hold on

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : 12 Songs

Let's burn down the cornfield
Let's burn down the cornfield
And we can listen to it burn

You hide behind the oak tree
You hide behind the oak tree
Stay out of danger 'til I return

Oh, it's so good
On a cold night
To have a fire
Burnin' warm and bright

You hide behind the oak tree
You hide behind the oak tree
Stay out of danger 'till I return

Let's burn down the cornfield
Let's burn down the cornfield
And I'll make love to you while it's burning

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : 12 Songs

Will you have whiskey with your water
Or sugar with your tea?
What are these crazy questions
That they're asking of me?
This is the wildest party that there ever could be
Oh, don't turn on the light 'cause I don't want to see

Mama told me not to come
Mama told me not to come
Mama said, "That ain't no way to have fun"

Open up the window, let some air into this room
I think I'm almost choking on the smell of stale perfume
And that cigarette you're smoking 'bout to scare me half to death
Open up the window, let me catch my breath

The radio is blasting, someone's beating on the door
Our hostess is not lasting - she's out on the floor
I seen so many things here I ain't never seen before
I don't know what it is - but I don't wanna see no more

Mama told me not to come
Mama told me not to come
Mama said, "That ain't no way to have fun"

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : 12 Songs

I saw your name, baby
In a telephone booth
And it told all about you, mama
Boy, I hope it was the truth
I took down your number
Looked up your address, Sue
And I was hopin' that maybe
You could love me, too

I'm gonna wait in the shadows
For you to come by
I'm gonna wait in the shadows
For you to come by
And then I'll jump from the shadows
And try and catch your eye
Gonna run my fingers through your hair
And love you everywhere

Now I don't want to get too romantic
That's just not my way
But when I get my arms around you
I'm gonna rock you all the night
Gonna rock you all the day
Suzanne, you won't know it but I'll be behind you
Don't try and run away from me, little girl
Wherever you go I'll find you
And when you go to the pictures
And I know you do
Don't take no one with you
'Cause I'll be there, too
Suzanne

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : 12 Songs

Don't send me no young girl to love me
With their eyes shinin' bright
All the young girls are afraid of me
Send me a woman tonight

Don't send me no hand-holdin' baby
'Cause I been with babies before
Don't send me nobody that's crazy
Don't send me no young girls no more

I was entertaining a little girl in my rooms, Lord
With California wines and French perfumes, Lord
She started to talk to me about the War, Lord
I said, "I don't want to talk about the War."

Don't send me nobody with glasses
Don't want no one above me
Don't send nobody takin' night-classes
Send me somebody to love me

Please answer my prayer
Please answer my prayer
Please answer my prayer

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : 12 Songs

We met one summer evening
As the sun was going down
She was lying on the beach
In her graduation gown
She was wrapped up in a blanket
(I could tell she knew her way around)
And as I lay down beside her
You know she never made a sound

On down the beach came the beach-cleaning man
Scoopin' up the papers and flattening down the sand
"Lucinda, Lucinda, Lucinda - we've got to run away
That big white truck is closin' in
And we'll get wounded if we stay"

Now Lucinda lies buried 'neath the California sand
Put under by the beach-cleaning man
Lucinda, Lucinda, Lucinda - why'd you have to go?

They sent her to high school
They sent her to low school
She just wouldn't go no further

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : 12 Songs

Creole ladies walk along with rhythm in their thighs
Rhythm in their hips and in their lips and in their eyes,
Where do highbrows find the kind of love that satisfies?
Underneath the Harlem moon

There's no fields of cotton; picking cotton is taboo.
They don't live in cabins like the old folks used to do.
Their cabin is a penthouse up on Lennox Avenue,
Underneath the Harlem moon

They just live for dancing,
They're never blue or forlorn,
It ain't no sin to laugh and grin;
That's why darkies were born.

They shout, "Hallelujah!" every time they're feeling low.
Every sheik is dressed up like a Georgia gigolo.
You may call it madness but they call it hi-de-ho,
Underneath the Harlem moon

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : 12 Songs

Very far away in a foreign land
Live the yellow woman and the yellow man
He's been around for many-a-year
They say they were there before we were here

Eatin' rice all day
While the children play
You see he believes
In the family
Just like you and me

Oh, yellow man, oh, yellow man
We understand, you know we understand

He keeps his money tight in his hand
With his yellow woman he's a yellow man

Got to have a yellow woman
When you're a yellow man

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : 12 Songs

Turpentine and dandelion wine
I've turned the corner and I'm doin' fine
Shootin' at the birds on the telephone line
Pickin' em off with this gun of mine
I got a fire in my belly
And a fire in my head
Goin' higher and higher
Until I'm dead

Sister Sue, she's short and stout
She didn't grow up - she grew out
Mama says she's plain but she's just bein' kind
Papa thinks she's pretty but he's almost blind
Don't let her out much 'cept at night
But I don't care 'cause I'm all right

Oh, the sun shines bright on
My Old Kentucky Home
And the young folks roll on the floor
Oh, the sun shines bright on
My Old Kentucky Home
Keep them hard times away from my door

Brother Gene, he's big and mean
And he don't have much to say
He had a little woman who he whupped each day
But now she's gone away
He got drunk last night
Kicked mama down the stairs
But I'm all right so I don't care

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : 12 Songs

Rosemary, won't you come out tonight?
The moon is shining and the stars are bright
If you stay inside, how can I love you, dear
When you're up there and I'm down here?

Come on down, we'll take a walk in the park
I know a place there where it's nice and dark
I'll hold yours, baby, and you'll hold mine
I'm thinking about you all the time

Hear that wind blow
'Gainst your window
And I call your name
I need you so, baby
I'm ready to go, baby
Ain't that a shame?

Take your shoes off
Come with me
Take your shoes off

Rosemary, won't you come out tonight?
The moon is shining and the stars are bright
If you stay inside, how can I love you, dear
When you're up there and I'm down here?
When you're up there and I'm down here?

Rosemary
Rosemary
Rosemary

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : 12 Songs

There ain't no moon
There ain't no stars
Have to close up soon
'Cause there ain't no cars
Got no radio
Got no telephone
I'm just awful bored
And I'm so alone

Baby, please come to the station
And I'll wipe your windshield clean
If you need oil, I'll give you oil
And I'll fill your tank with gasoline
Baby, please come to the station
You know I get so lonely there
Bring some wine for inspiration
And wear a ribbon in your hair

Hear those dogs bark
Man, they can feel this cold
And it's so dark
I need your hand to hold

Baby, please come to the station
You know I need you so tonight
Come and put your arms around me
Baby, come and hold me tight
Please, baby, come to the station
I've taken all that I can take
Baby, how can you be sleeping
When you know that I'm awake?

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : 12 Songs

I'm goin' down to the corner
Gonna have myself a drink
I'm goin' down to the corner
Gonna have myself a drink
'Cause that shit that we been usin'
It sure confuse my thinking

I'm goin' down to the drugstore
Buy myself a goat
Tie him up in my front yard
For all my so-called friends to see
Ain't nobody gonna look in window and laugh at me
I been up so long
That it looks like down to me

Please don't talk about me when I'm gone
Baby, are you against me too?

Had a great idea the other night
Come-A-Ti-Yi-Yippie, baby
Look out
When the blue of the night
Meets the gold of the day

We love you
We love you
We love you

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Sail Away

In America you'll get food to eat
Won't have to run through the jungle
And scuff up your feet
You'll just sing about Jesus and drink wine all day
It's great to be an American

Ain't no lions or tigers
Ain't no mamba snake
Just the sweet watermelon and the buckwheat cake
Ev'rybody is as happy as a man can be
Climb aboard, little wog
Sail away with me

Sail away
Sail away
We will cross the mighty ocean into Charleston Bay
Sail away
Sail away
We will cross the mighty ocean into Charleston Bay

In America every man is free
To take care of his home and his family
You'll be as happy as a monkey in a monkey tree
You're all gonna be an American

Sail away
Sail away
We will cross the mighty ocean into Charleston Bay
Sail away
Sail away
We will cross the mighty ocean into Charleston Bay

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Sail Away

I've been around the world
Had my pick of any girl
You'd think I'd be happy
But I'm not
Ev'rybody knows my name
But it's just a crazy game
Oh, it's lonely at the top

Listen to the band, they're playing just for me
Listen to the people paying just for me
All the applause-all the parades
And all the money I have made
Oh, it's lonely at the top

Listen all you fools out there
Go on and love me-I don't care
Oh, it's lonely at the top
Oh, it's lonely at the top

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Sail Away

Last night I had a dream
You were in it, and I was in it with you
And everyone that I know
And everyone that you know was in my dream
I saw a vampire
I saw a ghost
Everybody scared me but you sacred me the most
In the dream I had last night
In the dream I had last night
In my dream

It started out in a barnyard at sundown
And everyone was laughing and you were lying on the ground
You said, "Honey, can you tell me what you name is?"
"Honey, can you tell me what your name is?"
I said, "You know what my name is."

Last night I had a dream
You were in it, I was in it with you
And everyone that I know
And everyone that you know was in my dream
I saw a vampire
I saw a ghost
Everybody scared me but you sacred me the most
In the dream I had last night
In the dream I had last night
In my dream

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Sail Away

I may go out tomorrow if I can borrow a coat to wear
Oh, I'd step out in style with my sincere smile and my dancing bear
Outrageous, alarming, courageous, charming
Oh, who would think a boy and bear
Could be well accepted everywhere
It's just amazing how fair people can be

Seen at the nicest places where well-fed faces all stop to stare
Making the grandest entrance is Simon Smith and his dancing bear
They'll love us, won't they?
They feed us, don't they?
Oh, who would think a boy and bear
Could be well accepted everywhere
It's just amazing how fair people can be

Who needs money when you're funny?
The big attraction everywhere
Will be Simon Smith and his dancing bear
It's Simon Smith and the amazing dancing bear

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Sail Away

Everyone has gone away
Can you hear me? Can you hear me?
No one cared enough to stay
Can you hear me? Can you hear me?
You must remember me old man
I know that you can if you try
So just open up your eyes, old man
Look who's come to say goodbye

The sun has left the sky, old man
The birds have flown away
And no one came to cry, old man
Goodbye, old man, goodbye

You want to stay, I know you do
But it ain't no use to try
'Cause I'll be here-and I'm just like you
Goodbye, old man, goodbye

Won't be no God to comfort you
You taught me not to believe that lie
You don't need anybody
Nobody needs you
Don't cry, old man, don't cry
Everybody dies

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Sail Away

No one likes us-I don't know why
We may not be perfect, but heaven knows we try
But all around, even our old friends put us down
Let's drop the big one and see what happens

We give them money-but are they grateful?
No, they're spiteful and they're hateful
They don't respect us-so let's surprise them
We'll drop the big one and pulverize them

Asia's crowded and Europe's too old
Africa is far too hot
And Canada's too cold
And South America stole our name
Let's drop the big one
There'll be no one left to blame us

We'll save Australia
Don't wanna hurt no kangaroo
We'll build an All American amusement park there
They got surfin', too

Boom goes London and boom Paree
More room for you and more room for me
And every city the whole world round
Will just be another American town
Oh, how peaceful it will be
We'll set everybody free
You'll wear a Japanese kimono
And there'll be Italian shoes for me

They all hate us anyhow
So let's drop the big one now
Let's drop the big one now

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Sail Away

There's a red moon rising
On the Cuyahoga River
Rolling into Cleveland to the lake

There's a red moon rising
On the Cuyahoga River
Rolling into Cleveland to the lake

There's an oil barge winding
Down the Cuyahoga River
Rolling into Cleveland to the lake

There's an oil barge winding
Down the Cuyahoga River
Rolling into Cleveland to the lake

Cleveland, city of light, city of magic
Cleveland, city of light, you're calling me
Cleveland, even now I can remember
'Cause the Cuyahoga River
Goes smokin' through my dreams

Burn on, big river, burn on
Burn on, big river, burn on
Now the Lord can make you tumble
And the Lord can make you turn
And the Lord can make you overflow
But the Lord can't make you burn

Burn on, big river, burn on
Burn on, big river, burn on

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Sail Away

What have you done to the mirror?
What have you done to the floor?
Can't I go nowhere without you?
Can't I leave you alone any more?
Can't I leave you alone any more?

I know you don't think much of me
But someday you'll understand
Wait'll you learn how to talk, baby
I'll show you how smart I am
I want to show you how smart I am

A quitter never wins
A winner never quits
When the going gets tough
The tough get going

Maybe you don't know how to walk, baby
Maybe you can't talk none either
Maybe you never will, baby
But I'll always love you
I'll always love you

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Sail Away

Sing a song of long ago
When things were green and movin' slow
And people'd stop to say hello
Or they'd say "hi" to you
"Would you like to come over for tea
With the missus and me?"
It's a real nice way
To spend the day
In Dayton, Ohio
On a lazy Sunday afternoon in 1903

Sing a song of long ago
When things could grow
And days flowed quietly
The air was clean and you could see
And folks were nice to you
"Would you like to come over for tea
With the missus and me?"
It's a real nice way
To spend the day
In Dayton, Ohio
On a lazy Sunday afternoon in 1903

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Sail Away

Baby, take off your coat...(real slow)
Baby, take off your shoes...(here, I'll take your shoes)
Baby, take off your dress
Yes, yes, yes
You can leave your hat on
You can leave your hat on
You can leave your hat on

Go on over there and turn on the light...no, all the lights
Now come back here and stand on this chair...that's right
Raise your arms up in to the air...shake 'em
You give me a reason to live
You give me a reason to live
You give me a reason to live
You give me a reason to live

Suspicious minds are talking
Trying to tear us apart
They say that my love is wrong
They don't know what love is
They don't know what love is
They don't know what love is
They don't know what love is
I know what love is

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Sail Away

Cain slew Abel, Seth knew not why
For if the children of Israel were to multiply
Why must any of the children die?
So he asked the Lord
And the Lord said:

Man means nothing, he means less to me
Than the lowliest cactus flower
Or the humblest Yucca tree
He chases round this desert
'Cause he thinks that's where I'll be
That's why I love mankind

I recoil in horror from the foulness of thee
From the squalor and the filth and the misery
How we laugh up here in heaven at the prayers you offer me
That's why I love mankind

The Christians and the Jews were having a jamboree
The Buddhists and the Hindus joined on satellite TV
They picked their four greatest priests
And they began to speak
They said, "Lord, a plague is on the world
Lord, no man is free
The temples that we built to you
Have tumbled into the sea
Lord, if you won't take care of us
Won't you please, please let us be?"
And the Lord said
And the Lord said

I burn down your cities-how blind you must be
I take from you your children and you say how blessed are we
You all must be crazy to put your faith in me
That's why I love mankind
You really need me
That's why I love mankind

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Sail Away

Whatever happened to
The things you used to do
And all the dreams you dreamed so long?

Stop livin' in the past
The good times never last
Well now's the time for movin' on.

Let It shine
Let it shine
Let it shine
If there's hope in your heart
Then let it shine

Let it shine
Let it shine
Let it shine shine shine
If there's hope in your heart
Then let it shine

Why don't you ever do
All that you want to do?
There's nothin' stoppin' you, you know.

You've waited all this time
To leave the past behind
Well now it's fine to let it go.

Let it shine
Let it shine
Let it shine
If there's hope in your heart
Then let it shine

Let it shine
Let it shine
Let it shine shine shine
If there's hope in your heart
Then let it shine

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Good Old Boys

Last night I saw Lester Maddox on a TV show
With some smart-ass New York Jew
And the Jew laughed at Lester Maddox
And the audience laughed at Lester Maddox too
Well, he may be a fool but he's our fool
If they think they're better than him they're wrong
So I went to the park and I took some paper along
And that's where I made this song

We talk real funny down here
We drink too much and we laugh too loud
We're too dumb to make it in no Northern town
And we're keepin' the niggers down
We got no-necked oilmen from Texas
And good ol' boys from Tennessee
And college men from LSU
Went in dumb - come out dumb too
Hustlin' 'round Atlanta in their alligator shoes
Gettin' drunk every weekend at the barbecues
And they're keepin' the niggers down

We're rednecks, rednecks
And we don't know our ass from a hole in the ground
We're rednecks, we're rednecks
And we're keeping the niggers down

Now your northern nigger's a Negro
You see he's got his dignity
Down here we're too ignorant to realize
That the North has set the nigger free
Yes he's free to be put in a cage
In Harlem in New York City
And he's free to be put in a cage in the South-Side of Chicago
And the West-Side
And he's free to be put in a cage in Hough in Cleveland
And he's free to be put in a cage in East St. Louis
And he's free to be put in a cage in Fillmore in San Francisco
And he's free to be put in a cage in Roxbury in Boston
They're gatherin' 'em up from miles around
Keepin' the niggers down

We're rednecks, we're rednecks
We don't know our ass from a hole in the ground
We're rednecks, we're rednecks
And we're keeping the niggers down
We are keeping the niggers down

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Good Old Boys

Got a wife, got a family
Earn my livin' with my hand
I'm a roller in a steel mill
In downtown Birmingham

My daddy was a barber
And a most unsightly man
He was born in Tuscaloosa
But he died right here in Birmingham

Birmingham, Birmingham
The greatest city in Alabam'
You can travel 'cross this entire land
But there ain't no place like Birmingham

My wife's named Mary
But she's called Marie
We live in a three room house
With a pepper tree
I work all day in the factory
That's alright with me

Got a big black dog
Whose name is Dan
Lives in my backyard in Birmingham
He is the meanest dog in Alabam'
Get 'em Dan

Birmingham, Birmingham
The greatest city in Alabam'
You can travel 'cross this entire land
But there ain't no place like Birmingham

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Good Old Boys

You looked like a princess the night we met
With your hair piled up high
I will never forget
I'm drunk right now baby
But I've got to be
Or I never could tell you
What you meant to me

I loved you the first time I saw you
And I always will love you Marie
I loved you the first time I saw you
And I always will love you Marie

You're the song that the trees sing when the wind blows
You're a flower, you're a river, you're a rainbow
Sometimes I'm crazy
But I guess you know
And I'm weak and I'm lazy
And I've hurt you so
And I don't listen to a word you say
When you're in trouble I just turn away

But I love you and I loved you the first time I saw you
And I always will love you Marie
I loved you the first time I saw you
And I always will love you Marie

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Good Old Boys

We've taken all you've given
But it's gettin' hard to make a livin'
Mr. President have pity on the working man

We ain't asking for you to love us
You may place yourself high above us
Mr. President have pity on the working man

I know it may sound funny
But people ev'ry where are runnin' out of money
We just can't make it by ourself

It is cold and the wind is blowing
We need something to keep us going
Mr. President have pity on the working man

Maybe you're cheatin'
Maybe you're lyin'
Maybe you have lost your mind
Maybe you're only thinking 'bout yourself

Too late to run. Too late to cry now
The time has come for us to say good-bye now
Mr. President have pity on the working man
Mr. President have pity on the working man

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Good Old Boys

Yes, baby, I been drinkin'
And I shouldn't come by I know
But I found myself in trouble, darlin'
And I had nowhere else to go

Got some whisky from the barman
Got some cocaine from a friend
I just had to keep on movin'
Til I was back in your arms again

I'm guilty, baby I'm guilty
And I'll be guilty all the rest of my life
How come I never do what I'm supposed to do
How come nothin' that I try to do ever turns out right?

You know, you know how it is with me baby
You know, you know I just can't stand myself
And it takes a whole lot of medicine
For me to pretend that I'm somebody else

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Good Old Boys

What has happened down here is the winds have changed
Clouds roll in from the north and it started to rain
Rained real hard and it rained for a real long time
Six feet of water in the streets of Evangeline

The river rose all day
The river rose all night
Some people got lost in the flood
Some people got away alright
The river have busted through clear down to Plaquemines
Six feet of water in the streets of Evangelne

Louisiana, Louisiana
They're tyrin' to wash us away
They're tryin' to wash us away
Louisiana, Louisiana
They're tryin' to wash us away
They're tryin' to wash us away

President Coolidge came down in a railroad train
With a little fat man with a note-pad in his hand
The President say, "Little fat man isn't it a shame what the river has done
To this poor crackers land."

Louisiana, Louisiana
They're tryin' to wash us away
They're tryin' to wash us away
Louisiana, Louisiana
They're tryin' to wash us away
They're tryin' to wash us away
They're tryin' to wash us away
They're tryin' to wash us away

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Good Old Boys

Why weep or slumber America
Land of brave and true
With castles and clothing and food for all
All belongs to you

Ev'ry man a king, ev'ry man a king
For you can be a millionaire
If there's something belonging to others
There's enough for all people to share
When it's sunny June and December too
Or in the winter time or spring
There'll be peace without end
Ev'ry neighbor a friend
And ev'ry man a king

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Good Old Boys

There's a hundred-thousand Frenchmen in New Orleans
In New Orleans there are Frenchmen everywhere
But your house could fall down
Your baby could drown
Wouldn't none of those Frenchmen care

Everybody gather 'round
Loosen up your suspenders
Hunker down on the ground
I'm a cracker
And you are too
But don't I take good care of you

Who built the highway to Baton Rouge?
Who put up the hospital and built your schools?
Who looks after shit-kickers like you?
The Kingfish do

Who gave a party at the Roosevelt Hotel?
And invited the whole north half of the state down there for free
The people in the city
Had their eyes bugging out
Cause everyone looked just like me

Here comes the Kingfish, the Kingfish
Everybody sing
Here's the Kingfish, the Kingfish
Every man a king

Who took on the Standard Oil men
And whipped their ass
Just like he promised he'd do?
Ain't no Standard Oil men gonna run this state
Gonna be run by little folks like me and you

Here's the Kingfish, the Kingfish
Friend of the working man
The Kingfish, the Kingfish
The Kingfish gonna save this land

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Good Old Boys

Old lady lost in the city
In the middle of a cold, cold night
It was fourteen below and the wind start to blow
There wasn't a boy scout in sight
Pull down the shades cause he's comin'
Turn out the lights cause he's here
Runnin' hard down the street
Through the snow and the sleet
On the coldest night of the year

Beware, beware, beware of the Naked Man
Beware, beware, beware of the Naked Man

Old lady head up toward Broad Street
Shufflin' uptown against the wind
She had started to cry-wiped a tear from her eye
And looked back to see where she had been

Old lady stand on the corner
With a purse in her hand
She does not know but in a minute or so
She will be robbed by a naked man

Beware, beware, beware of the Naked Man
Beware, beware, beware of the Naked Man

Old lady lean against a lamppost
Starin' down at the ground on which she stand
She look up and scream
For the lamplight's beam
There stood the famous Naked Man

He say, "They found out about my sister
And kicked me out of the Navy,
They would have strung me up if they could.
I tried to explain that we were both of us lazy
And were doing the best we could."

He faked to the left and he faked to the right
And he snatched the purse from her hand
"Someone stop me," he cried,
As he faded from sight,
"Won't nobody help a naked man?"
"Won't nobody help a naked man?"

Beware, beware, beware of the Naked Man
Beware, beware, beware of the Naked Man

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Good Old Boys

There she is sitting there
Out behind the smoke-house in her rocking chair
She don't say nothin'
She don't do nothin'
She don't feel nothin'
She don't know nothin'
Maybe she's crazy, I don't know
Maybe that's why I love her so

Her papa was a midget
Her mama was a whore
Her grandad was a newsboy 'til he was eighty-four
What a slimy old bastard he was
Man don't you think I know she hates me
Man don't you think I know that she's no good
If she knew how she'd be unfaithful to me
I think she'd kill me if she could
Maybe she's crazy I don't know
Maybe that's why I love her so

I'm not afraid of the Greywolf
Who stalks through our forest at dawn
As long as I have her beside me
I have the strength to carry on

Today we will be married
And all the freaks that she knows will be there
And all the people from the village will be there
To congratulate us
I will carry her across the threshold
I will make dim the light
I will attempt to spend my love within her
Though I will try with all my might
She will laugh at my mighty sword
She will laugh at my mighty sword
Why must everybody laugh at my mighty sword?
Lord, help me if you will
Maybe we're both crazy, I don't know
Maybe that's why I love her so

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Good Old Boys

Doctor, let me tell you something about myself
I'm a college man and I'm very wealthy
I've got no time to trifle with trash like you
Cause I must be 'bout my business

My brother's a machinist in a textile mill
And he makes more money than you ever will
He just got married to a Polish girl
With a space between her teeth

My sister's a dancer up in Baltimore
At a small cafe on Main
But she ran off with a Negro from the Eastern Shore
Doctor, she didn't even know his name

Get me back on my feet again
Back on my feet again
Open the door and set me free
Get me back on my feet again

He took her down to Mobile in a railroad train
He said, "Driver, take me to the Hotel Paree."
He went into the washroom
Washed his face and hands
Doctor, when he come out he was white as you and me

He said, "Girl, I ain't a Negro I'm a millionaire
As you can plainly see
So many women were after my money
But I'm proud to say you were only after me

"I'm going to teach you to play polo and how to water ski
And you won't have to dance no more
And I no longer have to pretend to be
A Negro from the Eastern Shore."

Get me back on my feet again
Back on my feet again
Open the door and set me free
Get me back on my feet again

Doctor, doctor, what you say
How 'bout letting me out today?
Ain't no reason for me to stay
Everybody's so far away

Get me back on my feet again
Back on my feet again
Open the door and set me free
Get me back on my feet again

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Good Old Boys

I never drink in the afternoon
I never drink alone
But I sure do like a drink or two
When I get home

Every evening what I do
I sit here in this chair
I pour myself some whiskey
And watch my troubles vanish into the air

Rollin', rollin'
Ain't gonna worry no more
Rollin', rollin'
Ain't gonna worry no more

Used to worry about gamblin'
Throwin' my money away
Used to worry about wastin' time
And layin' round the house all day

But I'm all right now
I'm all right now
I never thought I'd make it
But I always do somehow
I'm all right now

Rollin, rollin'
Ain't gonna worry no more
Rollin, rollin
Ain't gonna worry no more

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Good Old Boys

If we didn't have Jesus
We wouldn't have no one at all
If we didn't have Jesus
We wouldn't have no one at all
If we didn't have Jesus
We wouldn't have no one at all

God gonna set this world on fire
God gonna set this world on fire
God gonna set this world on fire
One of these days, one of these days, one of these days.

All of the sinners gonna turn up missing
All of the sinners gonna turn up missing
All of the sinners gonna turn up missing
One of these days, one of these days, one of these days

Gonna climb up Jacob's ladder, it's not very far away
Gonna climb up Jacob's ladder one of these days.

I'm gonna walk and talk with Jesus
I'm gonna walk and talk with Jesus
I'm gonna walk and talk with Jesus
One of these days, one of these days, one of these days.

God gonna set this world on fire
God gonna set this world on fire
God gonna set this world on fire
One of these days, one of these days, one of these days

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Good Old Boys

A rabbit bein' chased by a big, black dog
Through the early mornin' fog
Over the meadow and past the bog,
They were runnin'

The rabbit had jumped a fence or two
Cause that's what rabbits like to do
Big black dog had to jump 'em too
They was runnin'

Now this black dog had a brother
'Cept he was white as snow
One looked like the other
Least that's how the story go

So the black dog's chasin' the rabbit down the road
And he seen a familiar face he knowed
He said, "Hey there white dog, what you say?
Take over chasin' this rabbit, all right?
Thank you, get away!
Take over chasin' this rabbit
Or they'll be no rabbit stew today for us."

And here what the white dog say
He say, "That rabbit smiled as he went by
He know he got you beat, that's why.
You wait here and I'll chase a while
Cause I hate to see a rabbit smile."
So off he go, off the white dog go.

Now when that little rabbit looked around
He jumped four feet off the ground
He said, "That big old dog that's chasin' me
Why, he's taken off his jacket and he's runnin' free
He's taken off his jacket and he's catchin' me."

Now there's a moral to this story
For crazy rabbits with dreams of glory
Any rabbit think a dog wear a jacket
Should get out of the rabbit racket.
One dog's brother is another dog's child
And no one likes to see a rabbit smile.

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Good Old Boys

What had happened down there was the wind had changed
Cloud rolled in from the north and it started to rain
It rained real hard and it rained for a real long time
Six feet of water in the streets of Evangeline

The river rose all day, the river rose all night
Some got lost in the flood, some got away all right
The river busted through clear down to Plaquemine
Six feet of water in the streets of Evangeline

Louisiana, Louisiana
They're tryin' to wash us away
They're tryin' to wash us away
Louisiana, Louisiana
They're tryin' to wash us away
They're tryin' to wash us away

President Coolidge come down in a railroad train
With a little fat man with a notepad in his hand.
President say, "Little fat man, isn't it a shame
What the river has done to this poor cracker's land?"

Louisiana, Louisiana
They're tryin' to wash us away
They're tryin' to wash us away
Louisiana, Louisiana
They're tryin' to wash us away
They're tryin' to wash us away
They're tryin' to wash us away
They're tryin' to wash us away

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Good Old Boys

Seein' that tomorrow's my birthday
Happy birthday to you
Seein' that this is the final night of my 29th year
Happy birthday to you
Seein' that all my fuckin' friends were assembled here to greet me
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
I'm gonna tell you all the story of my life
I'm gonna tell you all the story of my life

My daddy knew Dixie Howell,
He used to cut his hair
Daddy had a shop in Tuscaloosa,
And Howell was on a team up there
When I was born, Daddy put a football in my cradle
Later on, he put a football helmet in my bed
So when he died I put a razor in his coffin
And poured Vaseline all over his head.
Magnolias, magnolias, magnolias they had
The people come from mile around
To follow Daddy's coffin to the graveyard
And put poor Daddy's body in the ground
Magnolias, you should have smelled the magnolias, Daddy
Don't you wish it was me layin' there instead?
But tomorrow I will be sober, Daddy,
And you will still be dead.

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Good Old Boys

Y'all should have seen me
When I was sixteen years old
Had my hair hangin' free down my back
It used to shine in the sun like gold.

Went eight years of grade school
Four years of high school
I was never sick one day
And the kids that were with you in the first grade
Were with you all the way

We'd go over to Augusta for a ball game
We'd all go down to Daytona for the race
We'd go over to the drive-in every Friday
Shining in the sun like gold

Some cold winter morning, outside the school
And the bell hadn't rung just yet
We stand outside the gate, smoke a cigarette
Brushin' the snow off our clothes, and lean against the wall
Shining

And there wasn't no baby cryin'
And there wasn't no laundry waitin' for me on the line
If I didn't want to be alone, I didn't have to be alone
All I had to do was shine
Shining
Shining

Lord there must be something better
Lord it just don't seem right
To cook the same breakfast for the same man every morning
Sleep with the same man every night
For the rest of my life
For the rest of my life

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Good Old Boys

Good morning, good morning, good morning
And a very happy birthday to you
Susie sing happy birthday to Daddy
Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you
Susie sing happy birthday to Daddy
Happy birthday to you
Now Daddy may not spend much time with us (Fuck off)
But I'm sure that he loves you a lot
Susie sing happy birthday to Daddy
He's the only daddy you've got (Fuck off)
Fuck off, but I'm the song that the trees sing when the wind blows
Fuck off, but, honey, I'm the starlight and I'm a rainbow
Susie sing happy birthday to Daddy
Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you
Susie sing happy birthday to Daddy
Happy birthday to you

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Good Old Boys

Let me tell you something about myself
I'm very wealthy, I'm a college man
I've got no time to trifle with trash like you
For I must be about my business (He must be about his business)
Have you seen my summer home in Mobile (Yes, we've seen it)
Have you seen me in my plane, racin' with the sun (Yes, we have)
Have you seen me climb atop the ancient ruins of Tuscaloosa
Just as the old ones must have done
I got a wife named Maria
And I got a big, black dog named Dan
And I got a three-room apartment on East 14th Street
Downtown Birmingham

Birmingham, Birmingham
Greatest city in Alabam'
You can travel 'cross this entire land
There ain't no place like Birmingham
There ain't no place like Birmingham

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Good Old Boys

My brother's a machinist and he works at the mill
And he makes more money than you ever will
He just got married to a Polish girl
With a space between her teeth
When he was ten or eleven years old
He was helping out my Pop in the barbershop
Sweeping up the hair as it would drop
On to the boardwalk and out of the shop

Doctor, doctor, what you say?
How 'bout lettin' him out today?
I can promise you he'll be OK
There ain't no reason for him to stay

Get him back on his feet again
Back on his feet again
Open the door and set him free
Get him back on his feet again

One day he was workin' in the barbershop
Knocked over some bottles with the handle of his broom
And he cried
Daddy took him to a baseball game, and still he cried
Daddy took him to the zoo, and still he cried
Daddy said, "Son, I ain't angry,
But I'm so disappointed in you."

Get him back on his feet again
Back on his feet again
Open the door and set him free
Get him back on his feet again

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Good Old Boys

A light shines on the goatherd
And the snow lingers yet on the ground
In the forest deep where the grey wolf sleeps
Comes a wonderful, wonderful sound
Albania, Albania
We pledge our faith in thee
Albania, Albania...

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Little Criminals

Short People got no reason
Short People got no reason
Short People got no reason
To live

They got little hands
Little eyes
They walk around
Tellin' great big lies
They got little noses
And tiny little teeth
They wear platform shoes
On their nasty little feet

Well, I don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
`Round here

Short People are just the same
As you and I
(A Fool Such As I)
All men are brothers
Until the day they die
(It's A Wonderful World)

Short People got nobody
Short People got nobody
Short People got nobody
To love

They got little baby legs
That stand so low
You got to pick 'em up
Just to say hello
They got little cars
That go beep, beep, beep
They got little voices
Goin' peep, peep, peep
They got grubby little fingers
And dirty little minds
They're gonna get you every time
Well, I don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
'Round here

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Little Criminals

Sittin' with the fat man
Tryin' to get a loan
Talkin' about the horses
And the women that we've known

Spittin' on the sidewalk
Squintin' into the sun
Greetin' all the people
Smilin' at everyone

I said "Hey, listen, Fat Man
I just can't get a break
Must I pay my whole life long
For just one mistake?

"My brother's in the armed forces
My sister is in jail,
Won't you give me fifty dollars
So I can pay her bail?"

He said "You Can't Fool The Fat Man
No, you can't fool me
You're just a two-bit grifter
And that's all you'll ever be"

"You Can't Fool The Fat Man
No, you can't fool me
You're just a two-bit grifter
And that's all you'll ever be"

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Little Criminals

What you wanna come back here for?
Thought you're with your uptown friends
Don't need none of your junkie business
You gonna screw us up again

Get your blackjack off my table
Get your coat out of my rack
We don't need you 'round here, jerk-off
Chuck, I want you off my back

'Cause we've almost made it
We've almost made it
We've almost made it to the top

Got a gun from Uncle Freddy
Got a station all picked out
Got a plan and now we're ready
Gonna take that station out

So you go on about your business
You just leave use folks alone
We don't need no two-bit junkie
Screwin' up our happy home

'Cause we've almost made it
We've almost made it
We've almost made it to the top

We've almost made it
We've almost made it
We've almost made it to the top

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Little Criminals

Here I am lost in the wind
'Round in circles sailing
Like a ship that never comes in
Standing by myself

Sing a sad song for a good man
Sing a sad song for me
Sing a sad song for the sailor
A thousand miles from the sea

Here I am alone on the plain
Sun's going down
It's starting to rain
Papa, we'll go sailing

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Little Criminals

They're comin' down the street
They're comin' right down the middle
Look how they keep the beat
Why they're as blue as the ocean
How the sun shines down
How their feet hardly touch the ground
Jolly Coppers On Parade

Here come the black-and-whites
Here come the motorcycles
Listen to those engines roar
Now they're doin' tricks for the children
Oh, they look so nice
Looks like angels have come down from Paradise
Jolly Coppers On Parade

Oh, mama
That's the life for me
When I'm grown
That's what I want to be

They're comin' down the street
They're comin' right down the middle
Look how they keep the beat
Coming through the heart of the city
Oh, it's all so nice
Looks like angels have come down from Paradise
Jolly Coppers On Parade

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Little Criminals

In Germany Before The War
There was a man who owned a store
In nineteen hundred thirty-four
In Dusseldorf
And every night at fine-o-nine
He'd cross the park down to the Rhine
And he'd sit there by the shore

I'm looking at the river
But I'm thinking of the sea
Thinking of the sea
Thinking of the sea
I'm looking at the river
But I'm thinking of the sea

A little girl has lost her way
With hair of gold and eyes of gray
Reflected in his glasses
As he watches her
A little girl has lost her way
With hair of gold and eyes of gray

I'm looking at the river
But I'm thinking of the sea
Thinking of the sea
Thinking of the sea

We lie beneath the autumn sky
My little golden girl and I
And she lies very still

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Little Criminals

The world of science is my game
And Albert Einstein is my name
I was born in Germany
And I'm happy to be
Here in the land of the brave and the free
Yes, I'm happy to be
Here in the land of the brave and the free

In the year of nineteen five
Merely trying to survive
Took my knapsack in my hand
Caught a train for Switzerland

America, America
God shed his grace on Thee
You have whipped the Filipino
Now you rule the Western Sea

Americans dream of gypsies, I have found
Gypsy knives and gypsy thighs
That pound and pound and pound and pound
And African appendages that almost reach the ground
And little boys playing baseball in the rain

America, America
Step out into the light
You're the best dream man has ever dreamed
And may all your Christmases be white

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Little Criminals

Beat-up little seagull
On a marble stair
Tryin' to find the ocean
Lookin' everywhere

Hard times in the city
In a hard town by the sea
Ain't nowhere to run to
There ain't nothin' here for free

Hooker on the corner
Waitin' for a train
Drunk lyin' on the sidewalk
Sleepin' in the rain

And they hide their faces
And they hide their eyes
'Cause the city's dyin'
And they don't know why

Oh, Baltimore
Man, it's hard just to live
Oh, Baltimore
Man, it's hard just to live, just to live

Get my sister Sandy
And my little brother Ray
Buy a big old wagon
Gonna haul us all away

Livin' in the country
Where the mountain's high
Never comin' back here
'Til the day I die

Oh, Baltimore
Man, it's hard just to live
Oh, Baltimore
Man, it's hard just to live, just to live

Oh, Baltimore
Man, it's hard just to live
Oh, Baltimore
Man, it's hard just to live, just to live

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Little Criminals

I'll be home
I'll be home
When your nights are troubled
And you're all alone
When you're feeling down
And need some sympathy
There's no one else around
To keep you company
Remember baby, you can always count on me

I'll be home
I'll be home
I'll be home

I'll be home
I'll be home
Wherever you may wander
Wherever you may roam
You come back and I'll be waiting here for you
No one else will ever love you the way I do
I'll be here to comfort you
And see you through

I'll be home
I'll be home
I'll be home

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Little Criminals

Got a gun in my holster
Got a horse between my knees
And I'm goin' to Arizona
Pardon me, boys, if you please

I have been a desperado
Raped and pillaged 'cross the plain
Now, I'm goin' to Arizona
Just a Rider In The Rain

He's a Rider In The Rain
He's a Rider In The Rain
And I'm goin' to Arizona
He's a Rider In The Rain

Oh, my mother's in St. Louis
And my bride's in Tennessee
So, I'm goin' to Arizona
With a banjo on my knee

He's a Rider In The Rain
He's a Rider In The Rain
And I'm goin' to Arizona
He's a Rider In The Rain

Used to work in Uncle's feed store
While he was fightin' in the war
Now I'm goin' to Arizona
Ain't gonna work for him no more

I'm the son of the prairie
And the wind that sweeps the plain
So, I'm goin' to Arizona
Just a Rider In The Rain

I'm a Rider In The Rain
I'm a Rider In The Rain
And he's goin' to Arizona
Just a Rider In The Rain

He's a Rider In The Rain
He's a Rider In The Rain
And I'm goin' to Arizona
Just a Rider In The Rain

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Little Criminals

There is a courtyard here in Chicago
Down by the river where no one goes
We could be married there in the courtyard
By this old Spanish priest that no one knows
And he'll say
"Nel blu, dipinto
Dipinto di blu
Felice de stare
Di stare lassu"
That means you love him
And he loves you
"Piu bel ci sono
Ci sei tu"

Kathleen, Kathleen, Kathleen
The best one in the world
Kathleen, Kathleen, Kathleen
I've always been crazy about Irish girls
I've always been crazy about Irish girls

Hey, hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey,
Come what may
Hey, hey, hey, hey
I'm gonna take you away, away

Kathleen, Kathleen, Kathleen
I've searched through all the world
I dream of you, Kathleen
I've always been crazy about Irish girls
I've always been crazy about Irish girls

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Little Criminals

He's waitin' for some rain to fall
He's waitin' for some mail to come
He's waitin' for the dawn again
Old Man On The Farm

Milk the cow - slop the pigs
Sweeping out the chicken-house
Drinking whiskey in the barn

Goodnight ladies
Sorry if I stayed too long
So long it's been good to know you
I love the way I sing that song
So long it's been good to know you
I love the way I sing that song

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Born Again

I don't love the mountains
And I don't love the sea
And I don't love Jesus
He never done a thing for me
I ain't pretty like my sister
Or smart like my dad
Or good like my mama

It's Money That I Love
It's Money That I Love

They say that money
Can't buy love in this world
But it'll get you a half-pound of cocaine
And a sixteen-year old girl
And a great big long limousine
On a hot September night
Now that may not be love
But it is all right

One, two
It's Money That I Love
Wanna kiss you
Three, four
It's Money That I Love

Used to worry about the poor
But I don't worry anymore
Used to worry about the black man
Now I don't worry about the black man
Used to worry about the starving children of India
You know what I say now about the starving children of India?
I say, "Oh mama"

It's Money That I Love
It's Money That I Love
It's Money That I Love

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Born Again

They were six fine English boys
Who knew each other in Birmingham
They bought a drum and guitar
Started a rock-roll band

And Johnny played little violin
And Bobby Joe played the big violin
The one that stands on the floor
They were all in the rock-roll band

Their first song sounded like this
Please get me a witness
Please get me a witness

Right off, they needed a name
Someone said, "How 'bout the Renegades ?"
Johnny said, "Well I don't know.
I prefer E.L.O."

I love their "Mr. Blue Skies"
Almost my favorite is "Turn to Stone"
And how 'bout "Telephone Line"?
I love that E.L.O.

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Born Again

Have we got a tough guy here?
Have we got a tough guy from the street?
And he looks just like that dancing wop
In those movies that we've seen
With his cute little chicken shit boots on
And his cute little chicken shit hat
And his cute little chicken shit girlfriends
Ridin' along in back

What's been happening with you boys?
Are you having a nice time on your trip?
All the way from Jersey City
And you look pretty as a picture
Please don't hurt no one tonight
Please don't break no woman's heart
How 'bout it, you little prick?
How 'bout it?

Hope we're gonna get the chance
To show you 'round
Hope we're gonna get the chance
To show you 'round
Talk tough to me, Pretty Boy
Tell us all about the mean streets of home
Talk tough to me

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Born Again

Golly, Mister, where you going?
You'll be late for work
Careful or you'll drop your briefcase
Jesus, what a jerk
There he goes down to the subway
Off to catch the train
Too bad for him
He forgot his umbrella

Poor Mr. Sheep
You're wet Mr. Sheep
Walk on, Mr. Sheep
Walk on

Tell me, how's your little family?
How's your little wife?
Are you going to live with those monsters
For the rest of your life?
Maybe you got a little girlfriend
Stashed somewhere in town
Maybe you ain't got a little girlfriend
Ha ha ha ha ha

Poor Mr. Sheep
He's a lonely guy too
Walk on Mr. Sheep
Walk on

Dance, Mister!

Hey, he's doin' OK
Oh, oh
Oh, he'll be all right
Let him get up by himself

Now I don't want to be too rough
And I don't want to be too mean
You're right - This world is awful tough
I know exactly what you mean
But I want you to know
Exactly how I feel
And to tell you the truth
Right now I feel like going
I feel like going
I feel like going

Baa

Baa Mr. Sheep
Careful, you're walking all over your own self now
Walk on, Mr. Sheep
Walk on, Mr. Sheep
Walk on, Mr. Sheep
Walk on

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Born Again

Stay with me for a little while
You've nowhere to go
I've nowhere to go
It makes me so happy
When you smile
At me

Work all your life
And you end up with nothing
Live in one room like a bum
Once I flew in a plane
And I fought in a war
We lived in a castle
And slept on the floor
And I don't want to be
All alone anymore
I'm sorry

Out in the street
There's little colored kids playing
Where my own little boy used to play
So I sit in this chair
And I ache with the gout
And I talk to myself
'Cause I'm scared to go out
And I just want to know
What was it all about
I'm sorry

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Born Again

Here's an old, old story
'Bout a man and a woman
Gone off to California
'Cause they just got married

All their friends in Boston
Are so very happy
They're dancing in the doorways
'Cause their friends got married

He gets a job
Working in a car wash up in Santa Cruz
She gets a job
Teaching at a nursery school

Oh, she's so nice
What's gonna happen to 'em?

Soon they have a little white-haired baby
Looks just like his daddy
And they're all real happy

A couple of years go by
She's going to see the doctor
It's just a regular checkup (oh no)
Plus she thinks she might be pregnant

Anyway, she dies
And he moves down to Los Angeles
Meets a foolish young girl with lots of money
Now they're getting married

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Born Again

Little mama
From Japan
Sent by her Masters
To a foreign land
"Go out with the sailors
Hang 'round the dock
Get out of the way
When the bombs start to drop"
You know she's a...
Spy
Be careful what you say, boys
Spy
She looks just like a schoolgirl

Big fat Russian
Looks like a buffalo
Check into a dude ranch
In New Mexico
Nearby in the desert
Great scientific minds
Struggle with questions
Of Space and Time
Watch out for him

Spy
You can tell he ain't no cowboy
Spy
Vhoaaa!

If you love this country
And I hope you do
Then listen closely
To what I say to you
They're in the shipyard
They're in the factory
And they might look just like you
Or they might look just like me
But they're...

Spies
Everywhere you go see 'em
Spies
They even got 'em in Chicago

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Born Again

Was a little girl
Maybe five-foot-two
Had the cutest little feet
Made my heart go tweet-tweet
Quite a pleasant disposition

Then came a pretty young French girl, mmm
Whom I met in Las Vegas
When I was there with my parents
Oh my
Had a real nice conversation

Met a girl at the bakery
She wanted to borrow my car from me
I said, "Take it, baby"
She took it down
To Mexico
Ran over a man named Juan

Then I went to college
Met a college girl
She lived in the sorority house
Across from the school
Got a real fine education
Had seven women on my mind

Now I'm married
Have a very lovely wife
Three cute little boys
It's so nice
And that's just half the story
Of the girls in my life

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Artist : RANDY NEWMAN
Album : Born Again

This big old queen was standing
On the corner of the street
He waved his hanky at me
As I went rolling by
I pulled the truck up on the sidewalk
And I climbed down from the cab
With my tire-chain and my knife

As I approached him
He was trembling like a bird
I raised the chain above my head
He said, "Please, before you kill me
Might I have one final word?"
And this is what he said:
"I am but Half A Man, Half A Man
I'd like to be a dancer
But I'm much too large
Half A Man, Half A Man
I'm an object for your pity
Not your rage"

Oh, the strangest feeling's sweeping over me
Both my speech and manner have become much more refined
I said, "Oh, what is this feeling?
What is wrong with me?"
She said, "Girl, it happens all the time

"Now you are Half A Man, Half A Man
Look, you're walking and you're talking
Like a fag."
Half A Man, I am Half A Man
Holy Jesus, what a drag

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